I put a poll out recently on Instagram and Facebook. A simple question: Should I keep doing Botox or go natural?

Two-thirds of the women who responded said, “Go natural.” The other third said, “Keep jabbing.”
But what caught my attention most was the age split.

The women in their 50s and beyond overwhelmingly leaned natural. The women in their 40s? Many still voted Botox.

That fascinated me. Because this isn’t really a question about Botox at all. It’s a question about pressure. And more often than not, that pressure doesn’t come from men... it comes from women.

Pressure vs. Choice

Let me say this clearly: I’m not anti-Botox. I’ve used it for years. I can’t even say I’ll never use it again.

I currently using tretinoin on my face right now because it's "supposed to work wonders".  And I’ve had cosmetic surgery before, but for reasons that had nothing to do with trying to look younger, or perhaps not... 

The point is, I will always take the measures that feel right for me.
What I refuse is to be judged for them.

There’s a big difference between pressure and choice.
Pressure is external - the expectations, the raised eyebrows, the whispered commentary.
Choice is internal - doing something because it makes you feel better in your own skin.

Priorities Change with Age

That Instagram poll reflected something I’ve noticed in myself and in other women around me: as we age, our priorities shift.

In your 40s, maybe the little tweaks matter more. They feel like maintenance, or maybe even survival in a world that worships youth. By your 50s, something changes. Freedom and peace matter more than frozen foreheads. 

But I also know that menopause and all that comes with it, eats away at women's confidence too.  It's as if the entire universe wants a piece of our bodies.  As if we've not been punished enough through the years!

It’s not that appearance stops mattering altogether. It’s that the urgency softens. The pressure loosens its grip. What once felt non-negotiable becomes optional.

That shift isn’t about giving up... it’s about gaining perspective.

Where Does the Pressure Come From?

Here’s the truth that stings: most of this pressure isn’t coming from men.

Most men, bless them, don’t know if your dress is Prada or Primark. They don’t see the difference between Botox and good lighting. They’re not clocking whether you’ve had lip filler or just drank more water this week.

Men generally see a beautiful woman, the woman they love, not the itemised invoice of upkeep.

The pressure comes from us. From women.

From the compliments that come with an undertone: “You look amazing, you haven’t changed a bit!” (as if changing would be failing).  I'm also guilty of this when I bump into women I've not seen for years.  

From the comparisons... who’s holding back time better, who’s “aged well,” who’s let herself go.
From the well-meaning advice, the side glances, the “helpful” tips that are really reminders that you’re being watched.

An AARP survey found that 7 in 10 women feel judged by external beauty standards, and nearly half said that pressure comes from seeing what other women are doing. That says it all.

The Reflex to Defend

And it’s not just about Botox, fillers, or skincare. This conditioning runs deeper.

Here’s an example: if someone compliments a dress/top/trousers I'm wearing, I have this compulsion to immediately tell them where I bought the item. And it’s never designer... it’s high street, or sometimes even a supermarket.

Why do I do that?

Is it a justification? A way of saying, “See, you don’t need money to look good”?
Is it pre-empting the silent judgment in case someone assumed it was designer?
Or is it simply me trying to make sure I’m relatable, accessible, not “too much”?

I don’t actually know. But I know it comes from the same place as Botox pressure... the constant hum of comparison and the fear of judgment. It’s that reflex of explaining yourself before anyone has even asked.

And I suspect I’m not the only one who does it.

My Personal Line

Here’s where I’ve landed: I’ll make the choices that feel normal for me. Botox, tretinoin, surgery, gym, no gym, whatever.

But I won’t let myself be pushed into something because of silent pressure.
And I won’t judge another woman for her choices, even if they’re different from mine.

If a woman wants to age naturally, brilliant.
If she wants to invest in every treatment on the menu, that’s her prerogative too.

The problem isn’t the choice. The problem is the judgment.

The Freedom in Letting Go

What changes as you get older is that the pressure becomes less important. You start to realise that most of the judgment is noise... and often it’s other women projecting their own fears and insecurities.

The irony? Men aren’t even part of the conversation half the time. They’re not the ones checking your forehead for lines or your wardrobe labels. It’s us, circling each other, holding up the yardsticks.

And when you stop caring about that, when you stop defending and explaining yourself, it’s liberating.

Because the real beauty is the permission we give each other, and ourselves, to age, to evolve, to choose freely.

A Question for You

When have you felt judged... not by men, but by women... for your choices around aging, beauty, or appearance?

And how often do you catch yourself, even unconsciously, judging other women for theirs?

Because if we’re ever going to lift the pressure, it starts with us putting the judgment down.

Closing Thought

I’m not my Botox, or my lack of it. I’m not my dress label. I’m not my skincare routine.

I’m my choices.
And so are you.