The Feminine Advantage

Leaving Masculine, Embracing Feminine

Why Letting Go of Control Was the Most Powerful Thing I’ve Ever Done.

For most of my adult life, I lived in my masculine energy.  I didn’t know I was doing it, of course. I just thought I was being strong.

Being the planner, the protector, the provider.
Being the fixer when things went wrong.
Being the one who held it all together, even when things were quietly falling apart.

It’s only now, years later, that I realise I wasn’t holding anything together.  I was holding myself back.

And not because I’m not capable. I am. I’ve built a life (twice). I’ve raised my son, I’ve survived heartbreak, divorce, reinvention, and Midlife madness.

But living in that constant state of masculine energy of doing, driving, striving cost me something.

It cost me softness.
It cost me peace.
It cost me connection.

The Masculine Mask We Don’t Know We’re Wearing

Let’s pause for a second and get clear on what we’re really talking about here.

Masculine and feminine energy have nothing to do with gender.  They’re not about women cooking and men conquering.  They’re not about alpha males or submissive housewives.

They’re about energetics.

Masculine energy is structured, logical, action-oriented, protective, and focused on achievement.  Feminine energy is creative, intuitive, receptive, nurturing, and grounded in connection.

We need both. Every one of us.

But the problem is many women (especially those who’ve survived unhealthy relationships, worked in male-dominated industries, or been single mothers) have become stuck in their masculine because they’ve had no choice.

We’ve been conditioned to believe that softness equals weakness and that asking for help is failure and anything remotely representative of ease is laziness.

So we armour up.  We do it all.   And somewhere along the way… we forget what it feels like to receive.

What Happens When You Let Yourself Be Held?

When I began to consciously leave my masculine energy behind and step into my feminine, it didn’t feel natural at first.

It felt vulnerable.
Uncomfortable.
A bit… reckless, if I’m honest.

After all, who was going to protect me if I let go?

Spoiler: Me.  But not the version of me who bulldozes through life.  The version of me who trusts that I don’t have to do everything alone anymore.

This shift didn’t just change me.  It changed my relationship.

He doesn’t just tolerate my strength, he respects it.  He knows I’m not looking to be saved and he doesn’t flinch when I hold myself accountable or take the lead.

But he also knows I’m not in competition with him because I’ve stopped leading from fear.  I’m not afraid of being soft and I’m not afraid of ease.  And that gives him space to show up fully without the need to dominate or rescue.

What we’ve created is a balance.  He knows I won’t be taken advantage of and I know I can trust him with my softness because he never uses it against me.

That, right there? That’s the shift.
Not giving up control, sharing it.
Not needing less, trusting more.

I still drive my own bus but now, I also let someone ride shotgun and steer without fearing that my world will fall away.

But What About Control?

 Ah, there it is…. the elephant in the (very well-managed) room.

Letting go of masculine energy does not mean giving up control.  It means redefining it.

For years, I lived as a woman who had her sh*t together.  Not performatively, but because I had to.

So when men would tell me they were drawn to my strength, I’d raise an eyebrow.

Because let me tell you something:  A lot of men say they want a strong woman… Until they realise 

• She’s not waiting for them to lead. 
• She’s not going to shrink to fit their insecurities.
• She’s not “needy.” 
• She’s not controllable. 
• She’s not dependent.

And suddenly, the very traits they admired?  They become the cracks that present as threats.

So time after time, I’d meet men who were intrigued by the idea of a powerful woman, a corporate leader, only to find they didn’t know how to behave around her.

When my strength wasn’t a performance but a permanent state, they’d retreat.

And I’d tell myself: See? You can’t trust them. 

They want the fantasy, not the reality.

So I’d armour up more. Get tougher. Get louder. Stay in control.

Not him…. he finds my strength refreshing.  He knows he can take care of me, but I don't need rescued.

And here's the kicker, many men actually find neediness off-putting too.  Especially those who’ve been in messy relationships of their own.  We all have history, we all are moulded by our experiences and finding a balance that works, is the most captivating feeling I’ve felt for a long time.

When I found my balance of feminine energy rooted in self-awareness, with a backbone of independence, it became magnetic.

This is where we thrive.
Not in playing roles, but in respecting rhythms.

The Science Bit (Because You Know I Love a Fact)

This isn’t just romantic fluff.

Research in neuroscience and psychology backs the benefits of feminine energy, particularly when it comes to emotional health and relational harmony:

• Oxytocin, the bonding hormone, is released when we engage in nurturing, receiving, and emotionally connected behaviours. It’s a hormone that thrives in feminine energy and strengthens intimacy and trust in relationships.
  
• Cortisol, the stress hormone, spikes when we stay in a prolonged state of “doing” and problem-solving. That’s masculine energy on overdrive. Shifting into feminine practices like stillness, breathwork, and surrender can literally lower cortisol levels and reduce burnout.
  
• Studies show that women who feel safe enough to embody feminine traits at home and in relationships report higher life satisfaction and improved connection with their partners regardless of who earns more or holds more “power.” 

So yes, science agrees: softness is strength.

What It Means to Embrace Your Feminine Energy

If you’re still living in high-functioning, get-sh*t-done mode, especially post-divorce or career burnout you might not even realise you’re stuck in your masculine.

Here’s how the shift started for me:

• I stopped leading every conversation and started listening to my instincts.
• I stopped filling space and started letting things unfold.
• I stopped apologising for needing help and started receiving it with grace.
  

And no, the world didn’t fall apart.  It actually got a hell of a lot more beautiful.

Final Thought

Leaving your masculine isn’t about becoming someone else.  It’s about remembering who you were before life taught you to do it all.

And embracing your feminine?  It’s not about weakness, it’s about wholeness.

It’s the part of you that laughs more, dances slower, and knows when it’s safe to exhale.  It's totally liberating my friend.

Here for you always,

Lisa

I didn’t wake up one day magically aligned with my feminine energy.
I started by asking better questions.

That’s exactly what the Midlife Audit Workbook is designed to do.  It’s the tool I wish I had when I was doing it all and feeling none of it.

If you’re done white-knuckling life and ready to explore something more sustainable (and joyful), give it a go.  Grab your copy here https://www.thelifeedits.com/midlife-audit-workbook